we would be together as a family. When I
returned, the kids and Kathy laughed and
got a kick out of me being “strong for
mom.” It was good to see the joy in their
eyes, even if it was at my expense.
Needing a break, the kids and I flew to
Utah to ski with my sister. We had a laugh-ter-filled three days in the snow. On
the fourth day, my sister returned to
California, and the kids and I skied together. Over lunch in a crowded cafeteria I
emphasized to the kids that if Kathy were
to die, that we would be very sad, but that
she wants us to continue with our lives.
The kids asked several great questions,
and we talked for almost an hour before
Ryan asked where we would bury Kathy.
Unprepared for what would come next, I
explained that Kathy preferred to be cremated.
Can you see where this is going? Rachel
asked what cremated means, and I
responded, “Instead of burying your
mom, we will take your mom’s ashes and
spread them over some special place, like—”
and before I could finish she screamed
with equal parts hurt, anger and demand,
regarding what we should or should
not be doing with respect to her treatment. All of this took time and energy, especially with Kathy and the kids.
Keeping them informed was a delicate
balance of reality and hope, a balance
I agonized over daily. Family and
close friends have their own needs,
and you must find a way to communicate effectively. I tried calling and
emailing but never found the perfect
balance. Try nominating a person or
two to assist with the sharing of information. Throughout it all, our siblings and parents were very supportive, even though I am sure they would
have loved to hear from Kathy and me
more often.
Communicating with other friends, co-
workers and acquaintances. As more
people learned of Kathy’s diagnosis,
I simply could not keep up with the
calls and emails. After the first week,
one of Kathy’s friends set up a
Caringbridge.org account, which
allows users to set up specialized Web
MOTHER!” The tears flowed down all of
our faces, and the restaurant cleared out
like it was a fire drill. I should have been
better prepared to communicate Kathy’s
desires.
Communicating with family and
friends. Keeping family, friends and
everyone else informed was emotionally draining. The topic was tough and
time consuming. Within two days of
letting the word out, my email and
voicemail were overflowing. I also
received many recommendations
Recommendation:
Communicate,
carefully
Steve’s
laptop was
stolen.
